Man who died to bloom
It was a direful afternoon in a small suburban town.
The weather was of a humid atmosphere in the almost hidden yard where he was
found dead. The yard reeked of wet drugs that the drug brokers left off
(probably after a chase down by polices) and horse manure.
This is how he said his sayonara to the
exhibited life that people actually celebrate till last breath and started
this. Before his disappearance, he reassured himself that perennial furnace of
his will to disappear in which nothing resists his desires to die, where even
nothingness and gravitation lose their integrity and vanish before the
so-called magic of living power.
Certain that people's gaze would revive
the dead, that his hand laid upon matter would bring it to life, that stones
would shudder at the dead touch,that every graveyard would blossom in a smile
of the immortality of nothingness.
He had told himself: 'From the moment of his death on there will
just be nothing but an eternal soothing spring, a dance of no wonders yet
closed in wondering, and the end of all sleep-sleeps that escaped the awakening
time.I have brought another fire: fire that burns all the happiness that made
him lamentable, and raise the demigod in self-he wanted the gods from book to
be descended into the very tombs. On their feet.
Whereas a thinker requires—to detach him
from the world—enormous labor of uncomfortable introspection ending negativity
towards expiration, the privilege of a flaw talks from the start a singular
destiny. Vice-bestower of utmost solitude-offers the man marked out by it the
excellence of an isolated condition. But he considered the invert: he inspired himself with two contradictory
sentiments –both ending with demise: disgust and admiration; his “failure” made
him at once inferior and superior to the others; he does not accept himself,
constantly justifies himself, invents
reasons, torn between shame and pride; yet-enthusiasts of the fatuities of procreation—the conformists
go with the herd. Misery to those who have no secrets! How could they divine
the fetid advantages of the aberrations? Shall they remain forever the
progeniture of nature, victims of their laws, nothing but human trees? That
doesn’t bloom.
Since for him, there existed no
ultimate criterion nor irrevocable principle nor bindings to live on, and no
god but himself, what kept him from committing any and every crime?-like
killing himself. So without any drama and as he wanted to flow and not resist,
he selected to live this life.
But why he chooses to be a dog?
As a human, he realized that he began
to go into oblivion (Not in a glossy way though), that moment when life became
life's only obsession. He was paralyzed with thoughts-but as a dweller of the
cosmological nothingness-he couldn't be aware of living -he lived -happy slave
of the perpetual form other engenders, tends and idolize. But the dog character
fancied him, no other creation without the feelings and which are limited -he,
by all means, wanted to enjoy freedom.
He wanted to enjoy the delicacy of
human life -but not the radiant nothingness of the decided nothingness which
don’t accomplish human life at all-instead he just wanted to become a dog as a
remedy to his mental paralysis. And actively, he also didn’t want to give any
serious thought about what to become. To him, a clear-sighted person who
understands himself, explains himself,
justifies himself and dominates his actions will never make a memorable gesture
or well-thought decision about anything-anything that is important. And to him,
clear sightness was dwelling on the vagueness of life. He took lessons from
history, yet just to stand on the sideline as a spectator.
We
derive our power
from our forgetting
and from our
incapacity to conceive of
the plurality of simultaneous fates. No one
could survive the instantaneous comprehension
of universal grief,
each heart being
stirred only for a certain quantity of sufferings.
So, it’s why he wanted to be a dog. And
he became.
Will be continued